I was nineteen when I had my first child. I wasn't sure how I would embrace being a mom. She was born on Father’s day and when they placed the six pound beautiful little girl in my arms, I felt like the weight of the world had been placed on my shoulders. I took the little bundle, which was wrapped so tightly like a gift, brought her close to my chest and began weeping. The nurses and my family thought my extreme emotions were from exhaustion and a rapid drop in hormones. I assure you however, in that moment, reality hit me hard. I was going through a transformation right before their eyes. It felt quite spiritual, as childbirth can be, as I clearly remember to this day having one foot in girlhood and the other in the unknown world of motherhood.
I knew that there was no turning back. I was responsible for this precious life I held. At nineteen I didn't know exactly what that entailed, but I knew; my life was no longer my own, that it wasn't about just me, and this new role was for a lifetime.
Fast forward nine years later. My new little girl is handed to me. My heart is bursting with love and expectation for the future. I cry but it is a different cry. I’m older, more mature. I believe that this overwhelming love that poured out for this new little one was prepared by her older sister. My heart became fertile ground as my oldest daughter prepared it for seeds of future children. She taught me how to love until it hurts.
Motherhood changes you. It has and continues to change me. You learn resilience, unconditional love, responsibility, tenderness, patience and selflessness. You are passionate, courageous, determined, graceful, merciful and creative. You never return to the person you were before. Maybe that’s the point.
I knew that there was no turning back. I was responsible for this precious life I held. At nineteen I didn't know exactly what that entailed, but I knew; my life was no longer my own, that it wasn't about just me, and this new role was for a lifetime.
Fast forward nine years later. My new little girl is handed to me. My heart is bursting with love and expectation for the future. I cry but it is a different cry. I’m older, more mature. I believe that this overwhelming love that poured out for this new little one was prepared by her older sister. My heart became fertile ground as my oldest daughter prepared it for seeds of future children. She taught me how to love until it hurts.
Motherhood changes you. It has and continues to change me. You learn resilience, unconditional love, responsibility, tenderness, patience and selflessness. You are passionate, courageous, determined, graceful, merciful and creative. You never return to the person you were before. Maybe that’s the point.
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