A Woman's Design Doula Group Minneapolis | St. Paul Doula & Childbirth Education Services
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Speaking Life Over Each Other

5/10/2013

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PictureBirth team praying over mother and baby.
My mother would tell me how much she admired my confidence and courage. This surprised me because I never thought I was ever doing anything out of the ordinary. There were just some things I was determined to do and would move in that direction. As a mother, when my oldest shares an idea or a goal with me, sometimes my knee-jerk reaction is to think of all the obstacles that she will face and to make sure she has thought things through. But I resist. I know my daughter. I know that she has thought things out and that she is capable of doing more things than I can ever imagine.

You may be thinking, “That’s a perfectly normal response. It’s your kid you are just looking out for her.” The problem is when that knee-jerk response stems from my own fear, rooted deep down. In spite of my mother’s pride in my abilities to face the unknown head on, as a parent my fears for my own children tempt me to project that on them.

I understand now the blessing my mother spoke over me in only the way that she could. She spoke life. 

Our words have such a power to influence. For better or worse.

During my time as a doula and childbirth educator I often hear from the mothers I work with how someone in her life questions, judges or makes fun of the choices or plans she's made. 

 “You’re pregnant again?!”

“You’re having a natural birth?” 

“You’re having a home-birth?”

 “You’re planning a waterbirth?”

“You’re switching providers and you’re how far along?”

“You’re electing to have another csection?”

“You’re breastfeeding how long?”

And the list could go on and on…

To the mama who has shared her goals and plans with you, those thoughts are interpreted as:

Wow. You’re brave.

“Or Crazy.”

“Or misinformed.”

“You will change your mind once those contractions hit.”

“That’s wild.”

“Or unsanitary.”

“Or dangerous.”

“Selfish.”

“Putting your baby in danger.”

It’s that knee-jerk reaction. I believe we are projecting our own fears, our disappointments, and our misinformation onto women when they are the most vulnerable. And it is affecting them.  It’s not right. And we need to stop. 

I know there are exceptions to the rules. There will always be someone who makes a decision, willy-nilly, uninformed and may be harmful to themselves or their unborn child. But I promise you. That is a very small exception.

 I am talking about your sister, your daughter, niece, best friend and co-worker. 

 Instead of allowing our first thought to come out what if we took a beat and considered what our true thoughts may be:

“I am not sure I could do that. I admire you."

 “I tried that and it did not work out for me but I wish you and your baby success.”

“My provider, insurance, partner, situation did not allow for that.”

“I did not know about this, I wish I had.”

“I would have done things differently if I could.”

“It is not something I would do but I think that is great that you know what you want.”

“I have heard scary stories of bad outcomes and that makes me afraid for you.”

“I have regrets.”

“I have no regrets.”

“I am interested in learning more.”

Pregnancy is the foundation that she will build motherhood on. Let’s speak love, confidence and build each other up and not be a reason her foundation may be shaky. if you are important enough to have her share her plans with, your words (spoken and unspoken) may have more weight than you think.

Best regards,

Natalia

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My Heart Is Overflowing...

6/13/2012

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Picture
On a Birth Professionals page, someone asked us to name one thing we loved most about being a birth doula. "Just one? Just one???!!!", was the sudden outcry from the birth community.  I offered one for the sake of the original poster's request but continued to consider in my heart all the of the reasons I love supporting women and families during this time in their lives. 

I spent a few hours today working on a birth story from a previous birth I attended and all of the reasons began to pour out as i recapped our time spent together and all of the wonderful moments I was blessed to share with them.

I thought I'd share a few with you:
The "dance" that a couple shares when they are working together to bring forth their new life.

The moment a laboring woman finds "her voice".

The moment when a laboring mother is peacefully riding the waves of contractions. 

The moment when a partner looks at his woman with pride as she is being transformed right before his eyes. 

The look on a woman's face when she realizes what she is capable of doing...she knows her own strength and will never be the same. 

An expectant grandmother quietly sitting in the corner watching her little girl become a mother. 

The cry of a newborn who is away from his/her mother who is clearly calling out for her, wanting to know that she is still close by.


The moment a father takes his new baby and nuzzles, sniffs and talks to him/her as if it were just the two of them in the room. 


The moment when a mother and her baby lock eyes for the first time.  

The look on a mother's face when her baby latches on for the first time.

The moment I quietly bow out as the new family are becoming one.


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Pregnancy and Birth Stories About My Mom Warms My Heart and Soul

12/13/2010

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Picture
I just got off of the phone with my aunt, one of my mother's sisters. Our conversation was pleasantries about the family, the holidays and how my current pregnancy was going. She was tickled pink to know my due date was her birthday and began to tease about was to ensure that the baby is born on that day.

She began to tell me of my younger brothers birth. My mother was living with my aunt and she played a very close support role to her. I wanted to know things I wouldn't have thought to ask before; how long was she in labor, how long did she push, did she use anything, etc. Ultra sounds in the 70's were not available to every one but they thought she was having a boy based on how she was carrying him (low). It is unknown how long her active labor but between the time she wanted to get to the hospital and actually delivered was about three hours. The doctors told my aunt that it would be a while so she stepped outside long enough to smoke a cigarette. By the time she returned my little brother was born (
a ten-pounder).

My aunt laughed as she reminisced at all of the infant clothes that he couldn't fit and described how huge he looked next to the other babies in the nursery. Knowing how fast he came was a fun fact for me because I have experienced similar events with the births of my daughters. We were told by hospital staff that "it was going to be a while" only for them leave and return in 5-10 minutes with my babies coming full speed.

It's been 5 years since my mother has passed. I know many can relate to how the holidays and major life changes (like expecting a baby) can make you long for a loved ones presence. I wish I could sit and talk to my mom about her pregnancies and births, especially with me. I heard bits and pieces over the years but there is something about being pregnant and parenting, encountering your own fears, obstacles, joys, expectations whether you are a first timer or having your sixth that makes you want to bond with your mother and share this common bond. I appreciate my aunt filling in the gap, the missing pieces. She has no idea that she was feeding my heart and soul with that story.

Did you have a strong interest in your mothers pregnancy, labor and delivery experience while you were expecting? Feel free to share any stories, I'd love to hear them.

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    A Woman's Design

    A Woman's Design Doula & Childbirth Educators are here to walk along side you during such a precious time. Whether it is your first journey or tenth, empowering women and families with education and support to trust their inner wisdom and make wise choices in pregnancy, birth and early parenting is the heart of A Woman's Design. 

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Contact A Woman's Design:
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(612) 314-6378
Specializing In
Attachment Parenting | Babywearing | Birth Bootcamp | Bottle Feeding | Bradley Method | Breastfeeding | Cesareans Section (Family-Centered/Planned/Repeat) | Cloth Diapering | Epidural Birth | Home Birth | Hospital Birth | Hypnobabies | Induction | Lamaze | Multiples | Natural Birth | Spinning Babies |Vaginal birth Assisted by Medication | VBAC | Water Birth | Birth Doula | Postpartum Doula | Lactaction Support | Prenatal Education | Childbirth Education | Placenta Encapsulation |
Lamaze International, Childbirth International, DONA International
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Providing Professional Doula Services to Families in the Twin Cities, Minnesota

Minneapolis - St Paul
Anoka | Hennepin  | Carver | Chisago | Dakota | Ramsey | Washington    

​At the heart & soul of A Woman's Design is the belief that every mother has the inner wisdom to make the best choices for herself and her baby in pregnancy, childbirth and early parenting. 
This is your story and we are your supporting cast. Birth. Your Way. 

Copyright © 2012-2018, Natalia Hals. All rights reserved.