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My very average and very amazing breasts.

7/31/2015

Before I had my first child, my thought on breastfeeding was, of course I will try but I’d never do it after she got teeth. Yikes! So I prepared for my journey at Target! My shopping trips included bottles, funky cute drying racks, pacifiers, my pump, storage bags and formula for back up. I was ready to breastfeed!

After a very tough, induced, and medicated birth, there she was my beautiful baby girl. Now what? I was very disoriented and emotionally drained and she was sleepy from the drugs. I put her to my breast and she just looked up at me. So we tried the old shove it in her mouth method, but that didn't work. After many attempts and just as many helping hands, a lovely lactation consultant floated into my hospital room and gave me a nipple shield to try. The shield seemed to work because my baby girl latched right away. We were off and running; me, my sweet baby and our artificial nipple!

Let me just say I think lactation consultants and breastfeeding educators are angels right here on earth. Many mama's get to continue successful feeding relationships with their loving guidance.
For me and my body all I needed was time to learn and I couldn't buy that in a store.

We continued our journey for a very, very (in my mind VERY) long time. These 10 months were filled with trials both emotional and physical. Turns out all the things I had purchased only added a lot of work, mainly dishes. It would be comical to have video tape of one of our night time feedings. Stumbling down stairs with a screaming hungry baby to get my artificial nipple that was probably still dirty from our last feeding. Washing, tripping over the dog, searching for some form of hydration! Only to sit down drop the nipple shield on the floor and start over... So that was our nightly routine. By day we did a lot of hiding in bedrooms, bathroom stalls and under blankets. Knowing deep down inside that this was the best thing for her, we continued. There were a lot of sweet times as well. In general, I felt I was missing the world as I sat in a bathroom stall.

With my second baby everything was different. First off, he was a boy! What do I do with a boy? During my pregnancy I took a Bradley childbirth class and my eyes were opened to an entirely different way to birth, feed and raise my babies. Who knew all I needed to nurse my baby were my very average, very amazing breasts. Also we added co-sleeping to our feeding arsenal and that was a game changer, no dishes, no tripping over my huge hairy dog and I didn’t have to wake my husband nearly as often. Just me, my baby and sleep! We continued until he was 1 year old. I made it to my goal and my confidence grew every day.

Fast forward to my third angel, another girl. A very unexpected surprise. I had breastfeeding and co-sleeping down. My biggest struggle with her was feeding on the go! I needed to grow a third arm or learn how to feed her in public. Chasing three kiddos around is not for the faint of heart. So I turned to La Leche League, this amazing group of women helped normalize nursing in public. This mother to mother support gave me the confidence and knowledge that I could be that mama at the park nursing her baby... not in the bathroom. Once at the state fair I sat down on a patch of grass to nurse my babe and my husband looks at me and says "Right here, you know everyone can see you?" My response" Well they eat in public and she is hungry." He just looked at me, smiled and sat down next to me. Did I mention he is now a natural childbirth educator with me and I often find him chatting with dudes about natural parenting! He is amazing. My youngest, little Rosie, is 2 now and still happily nursing. I cherish every single moment.

My experiences have taught me to trust my body, know where to find good help, and that all I need to feed my beautiful babies is me and my very average, very amazing breasts.

Brandy is a Bradley Method childbirth educator and a DONA trained birth doula. She lives just north of Minneapolis with the love of her life, my husband Tony and our three beautiful babies Ruby, Ryder and Rosalie.

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“Hello Baby, it’s nice to meet you… I’m your Mom…”(part 2)

7/22/2015

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So why does bonding take longer for some moms? Sometimes there’s no real answer, it just does. Other times however, certain factors can affect bonding. Maybe your pregnancy was unplanned. Or maybe you were expecting little Henry to pop out when instead Henrietta gave you a big surprise. There are many things that can affect bonding early on. Some common things that can affect this are:

·         Pitocin & pain medications

Pitocin is often used to either induce or augment labor. While this drug is meant to mimic oxytocin- the hormone produced naturally by the body that triggers labor contractions, feelings of love and bonding, and the release of breastmilk during nursing- it can actually hinder the body’s natural release of oxytocin. This means that after labor, the Pitocin that remains in both mother and baby’s systems and can prevent their bodies from releasing the oxytocin that helps facilitate bonding. Pain medications such as an epidural can also have the same effect on oxytocin production after birth.

When I gave birth to my first son (the one I mentioned in my story above), I had a medicated birth that included both an epidural and Pitocin. When I had my second son, I had a drug-free water birth an experienced firsthand the major difference in bonding that going without medication can have. Now, does this mean that if you have a medicated birth that you will have trouble bonding with your baby or that if you do not have medication that you will have no issues at all? Of course not. Anyone can have a hard time bonding in the beginning and if you do it does not mean that it’s your fault or that you did anything wrong.

·         A cesarean birth

Not only can the medications used for a cesarean affect bonding but often times mothers who undergo a cesarean are not given the same opportunity to hold their babies immediately after birth. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, their babies may be briefly shown to them only to be whisked away quickly for examination. These moms may have to wait a long time before being able to hold their baby in the recovery room. Even after these moms are able to hold their babies, often times they are very sore from surgery which can make holding and feeding their baby uncomfortable.

·         A baby who requires special care in the NICU

When babies are required to stay in the NICU, depending on the circumstances, parents may not be able to spend as much time with their babies and may be limited in the amount of time they are actually able to hold and touch them.

So what are some ways to help facilitate bonding post-birth?

1.    Skin-to skin contact

Studies have proven that when mothers and babies are placed skin-to skin together, amazing things happen. Not only is oxytocin released in both mother and baby which promotes bonding, but babies feel and smell their mother’s skin and have better regulated heart rates and body temperatures. When possible, immediate, uninterrupted skin-to-skin in the immediate postpartum period is key in establishing early bonding between mother and baby. This means having your baby placed immediately on your chest after they are born and requesting that all routine procedures to be delayed for at the first hour after birth.

As I mentioned above, I bonded with my second son very quickly. But that doesn’t mean that there still wasn’t some element of mystery when I first laid eyes on him. First off, he looked nothing like my oldest when he was born. I always pictured him looking similar with lots of long dark hair and a heart shaped little face. Instead he was completely bald with a longer face than my first had. Unlike with my first though, this sense of mystery I had faded almost immediately. When I had my first son, while he was immediately placed on my chest after he was born, he was taken away to the warmer soon after because his breathing wasn’t as good as it should have been. He was away from me for probably 10 minutes, but it felt like forever. In addition, soon after I nursed him for the first time, he was examined by the nurses and then passed around to many family members to hold. Once I had him back and everyone left, I was exhausted and soon put him beside me in the basinet and fell asleep. With my second son, he was taken away from me for about one minute while I climbed out of the birthing tub and then was immediately given back to me. After that I held him and fed him uninterrupted for another hour and a half, after which he was then examined by the nurses. He was then introduced to only a small group of family members before I was once again left alone to bond with him. Instead of immediately putting him in the basinet to sleep though I pretty much did not put him down until I left the hospital two days later. I didn’t want to put him down. Even after we were back home I continued to wear him in wrap style carrier a good portion of every day. It was this constant physical contact that I know created a deep bond almost immediately.

But what if you have a cesarean? Can you still have immediate skin-to-skin with your baby? How can you make later skin-to-skin contact easier and more comfortable? Some hospitals are coming around to the idea of letting moms have immediate skin-to-skin contact with their babies while they are still in the O.R. being repaired (provided of course that the baby is in good health and not in need of medical attention). Sometimes mothers are able to hold their baby in place on their chest themselves and other times they need assistance from their partner or a nurse. Having this option available to women can greatly impact their birth experience in a positive way and help facilitate early bonding between her and baby. However, mothers are rarely ever offered this option and usually need to request it and some doctors are not always as supportive of this request as they should be. Once in recovery, ask your nurse to help show you ways you can comfortably hold your baby skin-to-skin. If you cannot have your baby directly on you comfortably, try lying side by side with your baby instead.

2.    Rooming –in

Most hospitals have a come a long way with this one. There was once a time when mothers weren’t even allowed to have their babies in their rooms if they were sleeping. Nowadays mothers are encouraged to room-in with their babies unless they request otherwise. This can greatly affect your bonding. After all, your baby just went from living in a cozy water bed within you to now being in this very unfamiliar environment. Being within close range of you will help both of you feel connected and make breastfeeding on-demand much easier and smoother (which also promotes bonding!).

Continuing to room-in at night when you are back home can also help continue this evening bonding time. When I had my first son, this is something that I once again did not do and wish I would have. I was a new mom, still learning the ropes and I listened to a lot of the advice I received from friends who told me to start putting my son in his own room at night immediately instead of having him in our room. When I had my second son, I listened to what my instincts told me and kept him side-car to our bed until he was almost a year. Now, does this mean that room-sharing is the only way to do things or that it is always the best way? Again, of course not. The lesson I learned here was to listen to what your instincts tell you as a mom. I knew that room-sharing was what was best for OUR situation and that it would help me bond and be a better mom. There are plenty of moms out there however that just can’t get a good night’s sleep when they are next to their baby and do not function or parent nearly as well this way. Listen to your instincts and do what you know is right for you in your heart. For some this may help with bonding, for others it may not.

3.    Breastfeeding

Aside from the looooong list of health benefits we know of, more wonderful hormones are released during nursing that greatly promote bonding between mother and baby.

So if you are one of the many moms out there who does not immediately connect with your baby after birth, don’t judge or criticize yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, you are not a bad mom, and most importantly- you are not alone. Give it time and soon a strong bond will grow that will be unbreakable.

**Gina is married to her husband Jeff & the mother to her two sons Xander & Parker who are her world. She is extremely passionate about pregnancy & childbirth and absolutely loves what she does. She is a Certified Birth Doula (CBD).

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“Hello Baby, it’s nice to meet you… I’m your Mom…” ( part 1)

7/14/2015

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When Bonding Post-birth is Delayed

I never believed in the fairytale idea of “love at first sight”. I didn’t believe you could feel such a strong emotion towards someone you don’t even know the first thing about. I didn’t believe it was possible, until that is, I became a mom. There I was, staring down at the tiny little life that I had felt moving around in me for months, listening to his cry for the first time, and feeling his soft skin beneath my hand. It was the moment I had waited 9 long months for, a moment that felt like it would never come. It was in this moment, as I was staring down at this perfect little boy that I had waited so long for, that time stood still and my heart became instantly his. The love I felt was so strong and instantaneous. It was the type of crazy love they say can move mountains and cause mothers to lift semi-trucks off their young… It was instant and it was magical and it changed me as a person forever.

Even though this instant love that I felt was stronger than I could have ever prepared for, it was also something that I had somewhat expected. I had seen all the movies that showed mothers screaming in anguish as they gave birth only for them to pour out tears of joy (as a powerful song plays in the background) the moment they meet their baby… But while these strong feelings of love did not come as a complete shock to me, there was another aspect of this moment that did surprised me. Just like I had seen all the movies, I had also seen all the reality TV shows. I had seen ‘A Baby Story’ and ‘One Born Every Minute’ where all the moms all described that same moment of love at first sight with their babies… But just as much as they described this instant love, they all also described just how instantly they felt “connected” to their babies. Some described it as if they had seen their baby in a dream and knew them before they were even born. It was this- this instant bond with my baby- that I had been awaiting and expecting but did not immediately feel. There I was looking down at my baby, my heart filled with more love than I had ever felt for one person, but I was still looking at a stranger. He was the cutest baby I had ever seen, but he didn’t look quite as I had pictured he would. A friend of mine described how you don’t want to put your baby down during your hospital stay so I wondered why I had no problem letting him sleep in the basinet so much. When I was pregnant and felt his little kicks I felt like I knew him, yet now that he was in my arms I felt this sense of mystery I never expected.

The feelings I felt left me with a sense of confusion, guilt, and fear. Was there something wrong with me? Was this normal? When would this bonding thing happen for us? Was I less of a mom than other moms out there? What would other people think of me if they knew I was experiencing this?

Eventually bonding was established and it didn’t happen all of a sudden. It was a gradual process that went unnoticed by me until one day I just looked at him realized that that feeling of mystery I once had when I would study his little face had now vanished. He was now this part of me that I couldn’t imagine ever being without. Still, I never told anyone about how our bonding took time because I still felt bad about it. It took me a long time before I finally learned that delayed bonding is common and not something I needed to be ashamed of. I finally stared sharing my experience with women I worked with as a doula so that wouldn’t feel the same feelings of guilt I did if they also did not instantly bond with their babies.

“Studies have found that about 20% of new moms and dads feel no real emotional attachment to their newborn in the hours after delivery. Sometimes, it takes weeks or even months to feel that attachment.” (WebMD.com)

**Gina is married to her husband Jeff & the mother to her two sons Xander & Parker who are her world. She is extremely passionate about pregnancy & childbirth and absolutely loves what she does. She is a Certified Birth Doula (CBD).

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Meet Tessa

7/3/2015

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My name is Tessa and I am a mother of three beautiful children! One thing people might not know is that I use to live in Japan and I really love hot rice any time of the day :) I am also in graduate school to become a licensed social worker to focus more on the area of counseling children and families. I decided to become a Doula because I am passionate about supporting woman through the birth process and pregnancy. I also wished I had that support through my own births! I did once, and it was an amazing experience. My three children are such a joy and each birth experience is unique and special. I hope for each woman to have a joyful memory of their child's brith. My favorite part of the birth process is the anticipation and hope of what is to come! I love the determination , the empowerment, and the natural elements of the birth process, and everyone loves the first moment baby and mother gaze into each others eyes. I really advocate for the mind-body connection, for the woman to tap into her inner strength, and to focus on some positive mantras to overcome their fears during the birth process. I also am supportive of any way a woman chooses to give birth weather it is natural or cesarean, no drugs or medicated. It is about the woman bringing her baby into the world as healthy and happy as possible, it does not matter how they arrive, as much as it matters that they do in a satisfying way!

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My very average and very amazing breasts.

“Hello Baby, it’s nice to meet you… I’m your Mom…”(part 2)

“Hello Baby, it’s nice to meet you… I’m your Mom…” ( part 1)

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